Well I'm not one to talk about myself, I like to keep things private in my life because the past has taught me that people will use it against you. Funny thing they call this human nature, when somethings humans do isn't very humane.
I'm me, I like me, I believe in me and there's a whole lot to me. This is the one thing I told myself I needed to do for several reasons. I don't have many friends, I like to keep everything in a close circle. The friends I do have are busy with their own family and lives, it's hard to get time with them. I miss my friends. I have a bestie that just moved to Florida and hope to visit soon. Another reason is sometimes I just need a sounding board and talking to myself is hard - I can be very hard on myself sometimes. Some people say I have a shell and I have to agree. Some think that I am hard and even mean but that's not the real me. My heart is easily broken and I just protect myself this way. Once you have broken through, then you will see the real me. I'm kind, generous, dependable, loyal among other things. If you are someone I hold close to my heart, I will die for you. But I do have my limits. The biggest thing is trust - you lose that with me and it's very hard to get that back. I could go on forever but I think I'll save more for later. I have so much to say once I start this blogging thing you end up telling me to shut up.
Oh, you want some background. Here's a little. I was born in Canada and my family moved to PA when I was 2. We lived there till I was about 8 and from there we moved to Florida where I spent most of my time. I am the oldest of 6, 4 girls (5 total) and my brother who passed away back in the 80's (he was 10), which will eventually be a blog of it's own I'm sure. My parents divorced after 13 years of marriage and moving around a couple of times while in Florida. When I was in 6th grade we had to move into government housing because of the divorce and that was an experience in itself. When I was in 10th grade I decided to move with my dad to Macclenny, Florida where I completed high school and then went to Lake City Community College for a year. When I graduated I told myself that there were 3 things I could do: go back to school, get a job, or join the military.
After going to college for a year I decided it wasn't my thing (kicking myself right now cause I should've finished that at least). I had a best friend, Linda, who we both started talking about joining the military. She suggested we both go into the Air Force and we did. She left before me - ending up in FE Warren AFB and I went on to Hickam AFB HI.
After a couple of moves, I got married and had 2 sons. I eventually adopted my sister's daughter when she was 4 and we became a whole family at that point. I have since gotten divorced and have been living my life as "single" for about 5 years. See I really don't keep the numbers, so it's an approximation. My children have grown and basically moved out of the house, which is scary. My oldest son has returned because he wasn't happy with this renting arrangement. Eventually he will leave. I'm kind of glad because after thinking about being alone, it's scary to think something could happen to me (at my age) and basically no one would know.
I have since joined the "unemployment" lines and at my age, it's hard. I did have a very good job but it was sub-contracted and the contract ended in September. With my experience (Military 21+ years) and other civilian experiences I often wonder what factors are these employers really looking at. Sigh. And I'm not one to fall into modes of depression, but during this time I have to literally do everything in my power not to. Good thing I am not much of a drinker and I can understand why my mother did. Hers was out of loneliness, still no excuse. I'm avidly applying, interviewing, trying to swoon a future employer but I wonder about what their real criteria is. The age, sex, race, religion thing comes to mind especially when I get those answers via email "We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for the position". I know I'm more than qualified for those positions. Frustrating.
There is more to me than any of this and I'm sure in the future you'll be reading some of them. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me. Maybe something good will come of this in the end.
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